So, I don’t expect everyone to care or relate to this, but let’s be honest.
If I am being honest right now in this moment, I’d like to be a painter. Not a house painter, an artist painter.
There are, however, several problems with this want of mine. The first of which being, I’m a college student. I’m a college student with an anxiety disorder, who got screwed into majoring in journalism (not fully understanding what “journalism” actually was). And, just for context, my minor is film studies. That’s all well and good. But, journalism is miserable. I hate it. The problem with that is, I need a degree (or so I’ve been told). I’m here because apparently, I happen to possess some decent skill in writing, but it’s not entirely what I like to do. This whole blogging thing I don’t mind though. I digress, anyway, so being a full-time college student interferes with this desire I have to be an artist.
My second glaring problem: money. Holy yuck. My current job does not provide me enough income to even get started. You need money to begin a venture like this. Especially if I quit school, because if you do that, they send you bills for your student loans immediately…great. Plus, I’d need a space to do it first of all, and then I’d have to have lights, paints, brushes and other assorted tools, drop-cloths, easels, sealers, canvases, place to store canvases, and so on, and so on. I don’t even want to think about what that would cost initially. All I know is I can’t afford it.
The third problem goes hand-in-hand with the first one–I need time. Being a full-time student means you barely have time to breathe, let alone spend six to eight hours a day painting, which is likely what I’d have to do if I wanted to ever be successful.
So here I am, trapped in this corner–caught between something I want, and something I have to do. So what am I to do? Take the risk? Bare in mind, my degree completion graph has me at 18%. That means I have 18% to go until I’m able to graduate. But, I’m also entirely burned out and miserable with what I am currently doing. Where does that put me?
So be honest. Should some poor soul like myself find themselves reading this late-night entry, what would you be doing in my situation? Or, perhaps you are in a similar bind, what’s your story? I guess we can either get through this together, or die trying. (Okay, maybe dying is a little dramatic, but I think you understand what I mean.) One thing I know for sure, if I survive the next month with my credits in tact, it’ll be a miracle.
Thank you for reading.